We have all experienced it. Whether you were aware of the situation or not, sistahs in their 20s have experienced some form of cheating within this time period. If we did a poll of the number of people who have been the victims (or the culprits) of cheating, then I theorize we would have a lot of sistahs sharing their cheating stories. This is a subject I have purposely ignored for a while because I recently was a victim of cheating. I suppose I did not want to talk about it until I was able to engage in the conversation without being pissed off. I couldn't even write a FB question about it because I did not want to admit to myself that it happened. Since I'm pretty much over it, I figured it is time for me to share this experience with other people.
I remembered the first time I was the "other woman". It was sometime in middle school. Yes, middle school. I met a guy at the skating rink. Of course that's not a shock. That's the only social activity you were allowed to do in middle school, but I digress. He pursued me that night and soon after we were frequently talking on the phone. That following weekend, I'm getting my hair braided. Come to find out, the sistah doing my hair was his current girlfriend. I was glad that she didn't mess up my hair. Needless to say, I broke it off as soon as I found out. I'm not sure whether she broke up with him or not. I know I removed myself from the situation when I realized I was the other woman. But this happened before the age of 20. You'd think that people would have enough sense not to attempt cheating after college age. After all, even Jesus said that everything that is the truth comes to the light. So why do it? Settle your tail down, you are too old for all that.
Some of my friends know about the situation I found myself in a few months ago with a former who reentered my life. He was one of those people that tended to jump in and out of my life for as long as I've known him. He was the first guy I met when I moved to Atlanta. He was my favorite Atlien, born and raised in Atlanta. I'm sure I fell in love with him harder than I should have. But there's always that person in your 20s that you can never really get out of your system. There's some hold they have over you. And you find yourself consumed by them most of your 20s, until you get to the realization that they are wasting your time. In your 20s, you may find yourself in those situations. Boy meets girl, girl falls for boy, and they come in and out of each other's lives throughout their 20s. They may date other people, but they always seem to keep in touch with each other, keeping each other in arms length. In other words, he's your main guy. However, you two have not formed a SERIOUS relationship. It's really is just a good friendship with benefits. We all had that person in our 20s. Some of us still have this person in their lives.
Just recently, we started to chat through text messaging. It was the innocent, "How are you?", "Good Morning" text messages. You know, the "let me see what he/she is up to" messages. Before I knew it, we were both in NC for a week. Long story short, we ended up seeing one another. Things got a little heated physically between us when we saw each other. Come to find out, I look on Facebook and see that he's in a relationship with someone. My heart is racing, my mind is asking a million questions at one time. I just knew this person had more respect for me. After all, this was my steady-non-relationship boo that I've been involved with throughout most of my 20s. I convinced myself that it was some clerical error. Come to find out, it wasn't. Yet again, I became the "other woman" in my 20s. I was so aggravated by the situation, I told him to loose my number. The moment I was about to click on "delete contact" on my phone, I realized that I could not let go of the number or the text messages. One question creeped into my mind, "What if I hear from the girlfriend?" Then another question came in my head, "What was it about her that made him decide to settle down with her and not me?"
Being a single, educated sistah in my 20s, I realize the following things about this lapse of judgement we call cheating based on this experience:
1. Cheating leads to aggravation, confusion, and revelation. You are aggravated that the person put you in that situation involuntarily, confused by why they actually conducted in that behavior, then relieved when you find out how big of a dochebag they really are.
2. You dumb@$$! The people involved ALWAYS find out. I don't know whether he told his girlfriend about me or not. At this point, I really don't care because that it is on his head, not mine. However, I found out rather quickly and I'm sure the poor girlfriend will somehow find out sooner or later. This leads me to my following point.
3. When you cheat, you loose power and control over your life. The moment you are dishonest, you always have to watch your back. Who wants to go through all that? Every time you go into a certain area, you always have to make sure that person isn't around. When your significant other is around, you have to be careful not to leave your phone or computer open because you will always be terrified that the person will find something about your infidelity.
4. Cheating is a manifestation of dishonesty. If you were honest with yourself and the other person prior to the incident, the cheating may have never occurred. That's our overall problem in dating that makes cheating so aggravating. Dishonesty is a contagious disease that infects everyone in it's path.
5. The people who cheat (or knowingly involved in cheating) suck as individuals in the WORST kind of way. Yup, that's about it for that point.
6. Drama always follows after cheating...it may not happen RIGHT afterwords but it's coming...and it's not going to be pretty. If you want your drama fix, then DVR some Desperate Housewives of WHATEVER and leave regular people alone.
Being 20-something, you will ultimately deal with cheating on some level. And it is one of the most aggravating experiences that we will have to deal with. You'd think that people have matured past this juvenile, slow-bus behavior. Unfortunately, people still do it beyond their 20s. Cheating does not discriminate based on age. However, I argue by the time you are in your 20s, you should be able to handle your dating situations and relationships with a little more class. Of course, we will continue to stumble and make mistakes. Yet, cheating shouldn't be a continuous problem in our 20s. That's high school drama, grow up. The only thing you can do is be honest with yourself and the other individual. During our 20s, we should learn to be more mature in handling our business, whether in dating, relationships, finances, or career. So there's really no excuse for the nonsense. Take control over yourself by being honest with yourself. Then perhaps you can not harm the people around you. You may not be able to control those around you, but you can control your behavior. While people have been cheating since the dawn of time, it's a huge aggravation within relationships and dating. I say all that to say that even in your rambunctious 20s cheating is not cute on any level. Grow up.
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