Ode to North Carolina: Speak a Little Louder Next Time....

The only thing I've been thinkin' about is that song by Petey Pablo, "Raise Up". "NORTH CAROLINA COME ON AND RAISE UP"....oh we raised up alright. We raised up a bit of controversy the last few days....

So, we have been waving our rainbow flags all week. First we have voiced our opinions against the Amendment 1 followed by Obama claiming that he supported same-sex marriage. Yeah, we are all gay now. I'm actually extremely proud of people taking a stand against those who have been marginalized based on their sexual preference. My problem is this: where was all this fire before? All the sudden, people love the idea of same sex relationships and fighting against what marriage entails. What bothers me is that we rarely visit this discussion until it is throw in our face by possible legislation or an issue brought to the president. Now all the sudden I see Facebook pictures and status dedicated to the issue. Unfortunately, I have not seen any discussion like this in a long time. I'm proud we are having the conversation. However, it came a minute too late.

Earlier this week, I had to work on my final paper. So, I was not able to write a blog as quickly as I wanted. Ironically, I did an analysis of Audre Lorde. She was an amazing scholar who discussed this entire issue that we have been tackling all this week. If you don't know who she is, then you suck as an individual and need to do your research on her before you support anything dealing with rights of same-sex relationships. She tackles this issue from a very realistic, unique perspective. The thing that I wondered while we were sitting here debating same-sex marriages and defining what marriage entails is what Audre Lorde would have to say about all of this. What would people like James Baldwin add to this conversation. Again, if you do not know who he is, I suggest you look him up as well to get off the "you suck" list. But I digress. These people were advocates for gay and lesbian rights within the black community. However, they have left this earth, leaving us with the same questions that they asked during their time. I wonder whether they are rolling in their graves right now, wondering whether their works were in vain. We are still battling inclusion. We still struggle with this issue of what equal rights entails. What bothers me is that it took a passage of a bill for us to start this conversation.

This is not only a week turmoil for same-sex marriages, but single women as well. We are under a siege right now. When I saw the Amendment 1, I recognized that my life was under a microscope as well. I thought to myself that the only way I can be protected as a single woman is if I'm married. Really? So, even if a couple decides they do not want to rush into marriage, this amendment makes it so that they should get married in order to receive any legal rights or protection. (Insert the confused face here ) So, I just want to make sure I get this right. You want to create a policy that defines marriage and parenting. Fine. However,  most marriages end in divorce. So even if you define marriage between a man and a woman, it does not help with divorce rates. Marriage is a legal and economic arrangement. Sure, you love the person. But you also know that if you marry this person, then your living expenses may significantly diminish. Also, just because a man and a woman create life does not mean they will make great parents. There are plenty of unsubs out there who had a mother and father who treated them poorly. So what exactly are you trying to accomplish with this policy to define what parenting and marriage entails? What is the purpose?

As a single woman, I do not believe I should be forced to marry a MAN simply because we share a life together. That's what this policy is trying to do. It perpetrates the notion that being single or not wanting to get married is somehow damaging to society. Also, that my life does not have much worth. Really? So, in a domestic violent situation, I will not be protected because I decided not to marry the man who is beating me? Hm. We are going back to the days when women's rights were not valid. My voice is not important and my choices are not protected because the government does not know what to do with an educated, single woman. So in order to be protected, my life has to follow a particular path. I have to get married to a man, have my 2.5 children with the golden retriever in the backyard. Sounds like a great life in theory. However, what if I don't want this life? Why can't I choose to carve my own path? Why can't I be protected by my choice?

Anywho,  I want to point out some of the things I realized regarding the Amendment as well as Obama's statement: 

1. We can see the exciting lives of single women in Sex in the City and invite gay men and women in our living rooms while watching Glee. However, people cannot accept the idea that these individuals have real rights. They are simply means of entertainment. My life as a single woman is not a means of entertaining you Mrs.Suburban Housewife. You just wish you had my life. You can admit it. You say you have gay and lesbian friends, but you do not want your son or daughter to identify themselves as gay. You can be around them, but you cannot include them in your life in a substantial way.

2. Some married people do not want to share their rights with those in same-sex relationships. When discussing this with my dad, he mentioned how people do not want to share their rights with same-sex couples. There's the assumption that same-sex relationships are not blessed, not a result of true love. But is marriage always a result of love? Also, how does my life somehow threaten your life? If a lesbian couple decided to marry, I would go to the wedding. If a woman decides not to marry the man she's with, she has a right to sue him if he assaults her. But people do not want their picture perfect lifestyles to be threatened in anyway. That's the American way, I suppose.

3. People need to dismantle these myths associated with single women or same-sex relationships. There's many misconceptions about these lifestyles as something sinful or degrading. If you are gay or lesbian, then you must be sexually repressed in some way or a nympho. If you are single and/or in a committed relationship that doesn't lead to marriage, they think you are trying to be a rebel. Both of these groups are challenging the status quo. Let's not give them rights so they can fold into the "normal" way of living. But what is "normal" nowadays? Even "normal" married folks deal with various issues. But, people are quick to reject what they don't understand.

4. Last time I checked, Jesus was too busy saving souls to be concerned with same-sex relationships or single folks. I've been doing some serious Bible reading this past year, focusing on the life of Jesus Christ. And, believe it or not, he did not mention a THING about marriage or same-sex relationships. He was too busy saving souls. He was criticizing the church and the church leaders. And that whole "God made Adam and Eve" argument is ridiculous. God needed us to reproduce. There was no artificial insemination at that time. I'm just saying, perhaps it is not a sin like we think.

5. There should be a CHOICE. Everything in life is a choice. I don't care whether you understand the lifestyles or not. Every human being should have a choice of how they plan to live their lives. That's a human right. While you may not agree with it, that's your problem. But do not take away an individual's choice to life their lives the way they choose. Period. Women's rights is all about giving women the option. That's it. Unfortunately, there appears to be only ONE path you can take in life. And if you do not take it, and something happens, then that is your punishment for not following the "normal" path.

6. We are A LONG WAY from reaching equality. We are NOT in a post racial society simply because Obama is president and immigrants are able to have a piece of the American pie. It's like this mythical place that we are trying to reach and we have no idea what it looks like. We have not escaped the -isms and patriarchy in our society. Unfortunately, we are surrounded by racism, class ism, sexism, as well as homophobia and patriarchy. They are alive and well within our American blood. You want to talk about a melting pot. I'm still trying to find the dern thing. Because as far as I'm concerned, it does not exist. People are defined based on difference. That's what helps other people feel better about their crappy situation.Newsflash: We are ALL in crappy situations. But don't hate on your neighbor because of that.

7. People always go to the extreme when you open the door of accepting different lifestyles. "So they want gay people to marry, what's next? They will allow a man to marry a goat?!" First of all, why the goat? Second, why does the extreme have to be so....well extreme. Next it will be a goat (poor goat), then it will be incest and the list will go on. One door has nothing to do with the other door. If Billy Bob wants to marry his goat, we can deal with that once we take care of this whole non-married couples/same-sex business. Billy Bob will just have to wait.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love North Carolina with all my heart and soul. It's like I tell people, I'm a Carolina girl to the bone. Yet, this Amendment passing does disappoint me. I understand the politics and the economics behind it. But the humanitarian in me is frustrated that we have lost yet another battle. However, a law is not going to change the mindset of people. Moreover, it will take a long time for policies to catch up to the mindset of people. Look how long it took for Jim and Jane Crow to be repealed. Remember how long it took for Women's Rights movement to receive recognition. This will just be added to the pile of 'isms that we have to continue to fight. While we've taken some steps to combat racism and sexism, they still exist. The same thing will go for sexual preference and lifestyle choices. It may be a continued battle for the next few years. I do not foresee any major progression taking place that will protect various lifestyles. However, we need to start educating ourselves and our children. Break the cycle of ignorance within our generations so that future generations won't carry the same burdens of hatred. We need to take a more active role in dispelling myths and accepting lifestyles that do not match our own. It's a battle we will all have to participate in if we want to see change occur in the future. Lets not let this disappointment defeat us. I don't want the memory of Audre Lorde and James Baldwin to be in vain. If anything, this defeat should cause us to fight harder and speak a little louder next time. :)