No Panty Day Rant: Seriously?

I'm sure you have caught this image somewhere in your Twitter Log, Facebook Newsfeed, or Instagram. When I saw this the other day, I did not take them seriously. In fact, I laughed at the notion that anyone would take any time to discussing or celebrating this Instagram holiday. However, I woke up this morning with my Twitter Log filled with discussions about the No Panty Day.  I thought to myself, "Seriously? Did someone really start a conversation about this." I thought it was one of those random pictures people put on social media. After all, I put up several pictures a day. When I saw the conversation from the brothas and sistahs, I started to get annoyed. Extremely annoyed. I felt my blood pressure start to increase because I know there was some dumb broad out there who was going commando because some stupid Instagram picture told them to do so. I started making a few comments on Twitter and Facebook earlier. But I felt like I had more to say. Besides, most of the day today I was helping my friend and getting some school work done before my free day. (Sidenote: If you are a graduate student, my advice is to take ONE free day where you do not do any work. We all need a break before we burn ourselves out...but I digress.) However, I knew that I was going to rant further about this day later. Let me just tell you why I was confused about today. I just have a few things to say about this day before it ends:

1. Women going commando is NOT an unusual thing. Real women do not need an Instagram to tell us to go panty-less. So, for that person who created that Instragram, they just wanted that for their own pleasure. And let me tell you, when women go commando, it does not look like that. You'd be surprised at the women in Target who are going panty-less. However, they do not boast about it. It's not because they are trying to get attention. Sometimes it's for the sole purpose of utility or needing some freedom. If she has to run to the store after that evening shower, then she puts on some leggings without panties and runs to Publix. A lot of women do not sleep with panties on (unless they are entertaining...). Many women may wear long dresses without underwear on a warm day. Sometimes women don't want that panty line to show in white pants. Whatever the situation, women TYPICALLY go commando. Sometime throughout the day the sistah has no draws on. It's not worth making a fuss over. It just is what it is.

2. Certain things should be kept between women. I'm so tired of that one sistah out there who messes it up for all of sistahood simply because they want some male attention. The whole panty conversation should remain between women. It's just one of those things that we could keep to ourselves. I know that I'm a blabber mouth, an open book. However, my commando status is usually kept within that girl circle. MAYBE whomever I'm dating at the time knows. Otherwise, it's not really any of your business. At least not for me to share on social networks.

3. It amazes me how some women react to male horny impulses. Are women REALLY that hungry for male attention? I'm making an assumption that this image was made by a man because no woman would make a celebration of this. And we wonder whether patriarchy is alive today? Of course it is! The mere fact that a man can put something on social networks to get attention from women. Sisters, we can claim that we are so "free" from patriarchy, but we often are the ones perpetrating it for attention. Think about it: it's a day to facilitate HIS fantasy, not yours. His fantasy is to have you walk around commando. You think there will ever be a "boxer/brief free" day tomorrow? Come on now. Every woman knows hot penis is not sexy. 

4. I was tempted to wear my granny panties just to rebel. Yeah, the ones you wear during that time of the month that come in the Jockey 3 pack you get from Target. But I was already dressed before I decided to revolt. I was thinking of a Canary Blue color just to make a point. My form of activism and rebellion.

5. Simply because I consider myself a feminist does not mean I believe in the burning bra myth. Yes, the burning bra symbol of feminism is a MYTH. And quite frankly, I like my underwear! The older generation of women passed down this jewel that I will always remember: every woman should always have a solid foundation because if she feels good underneath, she will carry herself with more confidence. Having great underwear on leads to increased self worth? I don't know. However, there's some validity in that. Believe it or not, that's a billion dollar industry for a reason. Do you think that women wear fun/sexy underwear for the benefit of others? Hate to break the news to you, but we wear them because we like the way they fit and what they do for our bodies. That push up bra works really well with a certain shirt. The thong works well with a dress we have in our closet. We like what it does for us. Believe it or not, under garments have nothing to do with sexual attention. Besides, I have heard plenty of people say that underwear only "hinders the process". So, it's really for us.

6. A woman's REAL liberation is doing what she want to do regardless of what she's told to do. In other words, it's like I said earlier, commando is not unusual. Women who are comfortable with their bodies do what they want to do on their own terms. That is real liberation for women. We wear underwear because we want, not for societal norms. We go commando from time to time because we feel like it, not because some Instagram told us it was cute for one day. Grown, mature women are liberated because we rise above societal norms and do things because we feel like it. I'm starting to realize how freeing it is to just be your own person, removing all those things you "should do" and incorporate those things you "want". Of course no one is running a muck. Yet, it's doing you without any regret. At the end of the day, that's real liberation, not because you decided not to wear underwear one day it was in style.

The good thing about today was the fact that people were having conversations about  personal hygiene. Some brothas and sistahs received a tutorial about the female anatomy outside of sex. As I was looking on my Twitter Log, it was flooded with Vagina talk. I loved it. I was also disappointed to learn how little my sistahs knew about their own bodies. I could understand why the brotha's don't know, they only want the Vajayjay for one reason anyway. But, my sisters asking questions disturbed me on so many levels. So, perhaps the creator of this day had this in mind when he developed the idea for this so-called celebration. Enough people were annoyed enough to discuss it, brothas made enough jokes about it, and sistahs started to correct the brothas. Before you know it, regardless of gender, we all spent our Friday discussing this "V" spot. So, while I am ranting about it now, I see the outcome wasn't as terrible as I anticipated. We all got our  adult sex education today. So instead of calling today "No Panty Day" it should be a "Adult Vajayjay Education Day".  Eh, nevermind, it's not catchy enough. Well, until next year ladies, continue to do what you do. Because we all know that we do this all the time. ;)

After reading 50 Shades of Grey, here's your official warning....

You cannot walk into a bookstore without seeing this book. In the course of a week, I was told by at least four different people that I needed to read this novel. Even my MOTHER knew about this book because her coworkers were reading it during their lunch break. My mother was curious enough to put it on her Kindle. One of my friends sent me a text because she felt "naughty" reading it while she was at work. The conversation went a little like this: 

"Have you read this book Fifty Shades of Grey?"

"Fifty Shades of WHAT?" 

"Grey...it's so hot! I love it!" 

"What does that even mean?"

"You just have to get the book It's so great!"

"If you say so. Are you reading it right now?"

"Yes!"

"Aren't you at work?"

"Yup!"

"Is that wise?" 

"Probably not, I'm so naughty!" 

"Naughty? What kind of book is this?" 

"One that will get you all hot and bothered."

"Whoa....it's that hot?! No BOOK is THAT hot."

Of course I rebelled. I always do. I said on multiple occasions, "I've heard, but what's the big deal about this book?" Well, one day, I'm walking through Target (Sidenote: I need to buy stock in Target as much money as I spend in that store) one day with one of my girlfriends and see the book sitting on the shelf by the electronics. I thought to myself, "Well hell, let me open this book and see what all the fuss is about." So while she's shopping for various things, I lean against the red shopping cart and start reading the first few pages. It was cute. I was curious enough to flip to the middle of the book....I almost forgot to breathe. Literally, I stopped in my tracks almost bumping into a lady who was walking a little too close to me. She sucked her teeth and walked past me. But I didn't care. That short little passage made me fan myself like an old church lady right there in Target. I finally caught up with my friend and exclaimed, "I may not be broke as a joke, but I'm getting this book!" 

I became hooked to this story. Good thing I started reading it before summer school started. For weeks, I carried the book around with me, reading it at every free moment I received. When I really got into it, I had to call my mother and warn her about the book. I told her it may be a little too much for a 50-somethin' year old Christian Black woman. Her response was, "Jayme, I've read trashy love novels longer than you've been alive." I had nothing more to say after that point. However, while people were glorifying this book, I wish they could have warned me. A part of me believes that if you are going to read this book, there are a few things you need to know first. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell you what happens. I figured I'd complete my community service for the day and share with my sistah's some insight BEFORE they pick up the book. 

1. This is NOT your everyday romance novel. There are parts of it that are. But, for the most part, it's not your mother's romance book with Fabio in the front cover. It has a modern day twist that you would never suspect or imagine. While people told me about it, I was not ready for what the book was about. You'd have to read it to understand what I mean by this. 

2. The author is VERY descriptive. When they say say erotic literature, it is REALLY EROTIC literature. If you do not have a vivid imagination, this author will force you to have one. Once you get through a quarter of the book, your imagination becomes REAL graphic because the author's language is so detailed. Typically, when you read a book and intimacy is involved, the author leaves a lot of room for interpretation. Not this book. You know EVERY. SINGLE. THING. There's absolutely no ambiguity. You know exactly what is happening, when it's happening, and how it's happening. So if you are not ready to read some VIVID details, you may want to leave it on the bookshelf. This brings me to my third point.

3. Yes, the book has a lot of sex in it. A lot of sex. Plenty of hot and passionate sex. I suppose the notion sex sells has some truth to it. It WILL get you hot and bothered. 

4. Try not to read the book at night while your boo is sleep beside you snoring. It will only make you angry. While they lay there innocently sleeping, you are fuming because they are not Christian Grey. The book will frustrate you because you realize your mate is NO Christian Grey. Remember: he does not exist. He is a figment of a British woman's imagination. So try not to smother your significant other with a pillow during the course of reading this novel. If you feel the urge, go into another room and read it. This brings me to my next point. 

5. Try not wear your partner out sexually because you are worked up. I'm sure they will willingly accept the gesture. They may be confused as to where this sudden energy came from, but I'm sure they won't mind. However, try warm them up first. If it's been a while since you two been intimate, they may need to stretch and shower. But, I repeat, they are NOT Christian Grey. Your partner may not have the skill of Christian Grey. They weren't that great before you bought the book and they won't be after you finish the book. 

6. If you are single, Christian Grey will become your new boo. ;) You can snuggle to him every night and think about him during the day. However, I will repeat: Christian Grey does NOT exist. And if you do not have "equipment" or a "bag of goodies" before getting this book, you may need some....just warning you. 

 

7. Characters speak in a European vernacular/speech. I do not mean white, but British. Their conversations are a bit off. They say things that typical American folk do not say. After all, we aren't that bright. But I love their witty exchanges. Sometimes you are able to understand it, and sometimes you are not. They use larger words in a normal conversation as frequently as we do not. If you are taking a standardized test anytime soon with vocabulary words, this is a great book for you. 

8. If you have read the Twilight series, 50 Shades of Grey has several character similarities. There's a Jacob, Edward, Alice, Bella, Bella's mom, and Charlie. So, if you are aware of Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey is not a stretch. You basically have the same characters. 

9. Did I need to remind you again that Christian Grey does not exist? Well if you didn't catch it, let me reiterate: Christian Grey does NOT exist.  Lets be realistic people. 

So, before you pick up the book, keep in mind the items listed above. That way you can make a choice to whether you want to wake up your inner goddess (Ironically, that's in the book). It's the kind of book you can discuss with your girlfriends, not your partner. If you are a single woman, then you have as much fun as you want with this book. It is great for single women because we have something to look forward to in the romance department. While we know that these are fictional characters and situations, the book appears to be popular because it awakens something within all of us. Whether you are single or in a relationship, the book has had an impact upon people in some way. I do not claim that it is profound compared to other books. But it's the kind of book that allows you to let your hair down a little and challenge your inhibitions. I do not think the author is going to be giving relationship advice anytime soon. But, I do appreciate her for sharing her imagination with us so we all can live a little. ;) 

And yes, I'm going to pick up the sequel as soon as possible. Oh yeah, I heard they were making it into a movie. If so, I'm there opening night. ;) 

Being Selective: Smartest Thing A Single Woman Can Do....

Many articles have been written about women and dating. For some strange reasons, people are interested in the lives of single, black women. I don't understand it. Most of the articles I have come across deal with women being too picky, having unrealistic expectations, and needing to be "better" women for their men. (Can you smell the patriarchy?) My question is: where are the articles for the brothas out there to be better men? BUT ANYWHO, I digress. I find it interesting the assumptions people make about single women, whether they are in their 20s or 50s. The assumption is that you entertain every situation that comes your way. We simply walk around talking to every single person on the planet because we are so desperate to find someone to share our lives with. However, the reality is: everything is not worth entertaining. I know what you are thinking: how dare you be single and SELECTIVE in mate choices?  With all the plethora of single people out there, how dare you complain that there are not any compatible mates for you? That's real cute to ask that question when you have found your mate, or at least a simulation of a mate. The truth of the matter is, when you are single, you have to be VERY selective. 


Check out this scenario: You are introduced to someone who looks good on paper. They wear the right clothes, have the right job, no baby mama or kids lurking around somewhere, participate in community service projects, ambitious, the kind of person you can take home to meet the family, and the kind of person you can take to church with you on Sunday. Overall, they look pretty dern good on paper. You know this is the kind of person you SHOULD be with. But when you are on the phone with them, they start grandstanding. Did this become a job interview? They talk all about themselves, but never ask how your day is going. When you speak your opinion, you are "a trip". When the feminist banter starts to emerge from the conversation, they start talking about the women in their family, who "were quiet sources of power".  So, before you know it, you realize that you are not the woman for them. They are not bad for you, they simply are not the right fit for you. Yes, you are being selective in your mate choice. And the reality is: there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's completely natural for single women to be selective for the following reasons:


1. You are somewhat smarter than you were in your early 20s. If you are single and dealt with several relationships, you become a little wiser in your mate choices. I'm not saying we do not still make mistakes. Yet, you start to catch those red flags, realizing the individual is not the right fit for you. It's a "been there, done that" situation. It's not about being paranoid, it's about being cautious.


2. Simply because the person looks good on paper does not mean you are compatible. Sure, this person would be the perfect guy to introduce to daddy. Yet, you are bored to tears when you are with them. You have different interest. There's no chemistry. No "umph". And let me pause for the cause and say that simply because the brotha or sistah received the same education as you does not mean that they are Mr/Mrs Right. Sure, both of you have your MBAs, but that does not mean you two are compatible. 


3. No one wants to waste their time. This is not about wasting time because you are reaching your 30s and your eggs are about expire. It's about wasting your time dating someone you are not romantically connected to. Why would someone waste their time dating someone they know they have NO intention of staying with? Sure, the sex may be good for a moment. But after a while, that can get old. Yes, they are funny, but it gets old when you need them to be serious. So, why would you waste your time dealing with someone that you feel lukewarm for when you can involve yourself with an individual that you are on fire for? Think about it. *rowr* 


4. Settling is a sin. Yes, a sin. I believe that Moses mentioned it somewhere in the 10 Commandments: "Thou shall not settle for mediocrity."  It's just sinful. I've met a lot of sistahs who have settled for someone simply because they think that they cannot find anything better. The sad thing about it, the people they settle for is a clear reflection of how they feel about themselves. The lower they feel about themselves, the lower the quality of man they deal with. That must be a terrible feeling, being trapped in that space not knowing you can get something better. Some women also settle for security. Because they desire financial security, they may deal with a brotha who puts them to sleep when they become intimate. They are "dry like toast...not honey, no jam, just DRY." (I'll give you 20 points if you can guess what movie that is from). That's the downside of settling. 

Now, let me pause and make one point very clear. Simply because you are selective, it does NOT mean you have ridiculous standards. No one would ever tell you not to have standards. But not dating a guy because he does not drive a certain kind of car is ridiculous. If you determine a mate based on superficial aspects (car, job type, educational attainment, income, short/tall, light skinned/dark skinned, etc.) perhaps you need some special couch time in someones psychologists office. And lets be real, he can fit your "type" and STILL be incompatible with you. There's nothing wrong with being selective, just don't be ridiculous. 


I'm not being selective because I think I'm so perfect. In fact, I know how IMPERFECT I am. Additionally, I realize how it takes a special kind of person to deal with someone like me. I'm loud, opinionated, controlling, and critical. Pretty much what you see is what you get. I may have changed in some aspects throughout my life, but I'm pretty much the same Jayme I've always been. Whoever decides to stick it out with me would have to understand that. Therefore, my selection has nothing to do with the notion that I'm "oh so wonderful". It's plain and simple: I know me. While I may change and evolve, at this very moment, I have a pretty decent grasp of who I am. More importantly, I know what kind of mate would work for me. With that in mind, I do not have to entertain every situation that comes into my direction. And you do not either. Singledom does not mean that you grab every person that sends you a nice message or smiles your way. You have the option to select who you want to invest your time with. Yes, the option. I know the magazine articles and blogs are telling you that decent single people are an endangered species. But that does not mean you have to be fearful of finding the right person for you. People are not selective because they are fearful of remaining single. And when you pick that person to spend extra time with, even if it does not work out in the end, you can have a clear conscious knowing that you selected them because you genuinely connected with them. And that person should be thankful that you choose them. ;)

The Dreaded Number Question...

Picture it: You and your new love interest are cuddling on the couch watching a movie. You two enjoyed a nice dinner, conversation has been great, and the movie has been entertaining. In fact, you are starting to get more comfortable with this person. After all, you've been seeing each other frequently the past few months. Suddenly, someone asks the question, "How many people have you had sex with?" There it is. The dreaded number question. Yet, inquiring minds want to know. Why? Well, there a few reasons why we may want to know. However, knowing the answer that question may do us more harm than good. While it appears not to be important, somehow it creeps into the conversation of new couples. I'm guilty of asking this question. And then get uncomfortable when I receive an answer I don't want to hear. Yet, I still ask! I have no idea why....wait, yes I do. 

1. I need to know what I'm up against. So, am I going to be a fairly NEW experience if we become intimate or am I going to be one of the 40+ people you have under your belt? This goes to a question of experience. How much experience have you had in this department? This makes a difference whether I need to bring special tools and talents or not. In other words, it gives me a frame of reference to go by. I've dated people who were carrying their V-card still and those who have been around the block a couple hundred times. Just need to know who I'm dealing with here. 

2. I'm nosey. Yeah, it's really that simple. I'm nosey. Inquiring minds want to know. Sometimes I ask questions just to be nosey. 

3. It lets me know what was your life like before we started dating. Were you sleeping with everything within a 10 mile radius or hiding in the bushes the moment someone winked in your direction? I realize these are extremes. Yet, asking the dreaded number question helps me understand your sexual behavior before we met. It allows me to draw a picture of the kind of dating habits you encounter. Again, it's simply a point of reference. 

4. If we are together, do I need to watch my back? After all, if you've been with half the women in the county, I may need to know so nothing is sprung up on me.

I know what you are thinking, "Why does it matter?" It is not THAT important. But, like I mentioned earlier, it gives me a frame of reference to go by. And lets be honest for a moment: you want to know. Don't act like I'm the only person that is curious to how many people your significant other has been intimate with. Certainly it is not grounds for breaking up with someone. In fact, it's not that deep. But, again, it's a frame of reference. So, you may freak out at the answer, but at least you have an idea. However, let me just be honest with this whole number system: 9 times out of 10, the person is either going to lie, tell you what you want to hear, or be embarrassed by their answer. With that in mind, they will make sure they turn the tables on you to see how many people YOU have been with. After all, you opened the door. So after you processed their number, whether it is real or not, you are asked to share your number. Crap. You were expecting the conversation to end after you asked them their number. You figure they would either be getting over their embarrassment or lie. Quickly, the spotlight is on you. You wonder a few things at this point. 

1. First, you are pissed that they have the audacity to ask you that question. Okay, so you did ask them first. But how dare they turn around and ask you? How rude. 

2. Do those one night stands count? Should I include them in the number? After all, they were just that one time when you were drunk in college. Perhaps I should exclude them, they were just one time, right? 

3. Do you include the times the sex was whack? Do those even count? Should you include them in your number if they were the epitome of the Minute Man? 

4. Now,  do those college "experiments" really count?  I mean, honestly. Most people explore their sexuality during this time. So this time period should be excluded from the numbers. That's what you tell yourself anyway to lower your number. 

I do believe that men and women approach this question differently. Women may try to exclude partners because they do not want to be labeled as a slut while men may add partners to make themselves appear more experienced. Even if the partner was their hand or in their head. This just shows you how socialized we are regarding our sexual behavior. While in North Carolina, my girlfriend and I were having dinner one night. Somehow, we got on the topic of our "numbers". We were embarrassed by our numbers, trying to keep it "low". In our minds, once you get to a certain number, you should start "slowing down". The question is, why should we be ashamed? Furthermore, why should we slow down? Our numbers are not considerably high. And if so, what's the big deal? Women are taught to be reserved when it comes to sex while men are taught to tap everything moving. It's a terrible double standard. I suppose men are expected to have fun while women sit around saving themselves for marriage. However, we all know the truth. If not, let me drop a dime on you. You remember in American Pie 2 when the girl mentioned the rule of 3? If a woman says she's been with 1 guy, then that usually means she's been with 4 guys. On the other hand, if a guy says he's been with 4 women, then that typically means 1 woman. In other words, you add with a woman and subtract with a man. Simple math. 

But at the end of the day, does it really matter? This dreaded number is a conversation topic that could easily be ignored in a new relationship. After all, when you are starting to date someone, you want to feel like YOU are the only one that matters. In other words, you want to be special. No one wants to walk around wondering whether their significant other is comparing them to other lovers. You may have been with 20 different people in the past, but I still want to believe that I'm the best lover you've ever had. I know it sounds crazy because the educated sistah within me knows that there will always be someone better. However, my emotional 20 somethin' self wants to believe that I am special. But I realized, no matter how many partners a person had in the past, they did not have you. And that should be enough to make you feel awesome. There's only one you. As long as that person does not bring up these previous escapades, then you should be content in the fact that they want to focus their attention on YOU. 

I'm guilty of thinking too much, which takes me out of the current moment. I've been told that I need to learn to live in the moment. And I'm starting to realize that the dreaded number question takes you out of the moment you are sharing with your significant other. Yes, I've asked this question. And I've walked into something I was not ready to hear. But we cannot assume that people were saints before they met us. People lived full lives before they even knew we existed. The same goes for you. After all, you've had experiences with other people before you started talking to this new person. 

So what's the big deal? Who knows. It's not that deep. But we still ask anyway. 

Finances, Debt, Credit...and Relationships? The Money Question...

I always look forward to the summer time during the academic semester. I can recall moments where I thought to myself, "I sure can't wait until the summer time." Honestly, I don't know why I get so excited about the summer time because it is my most financially straining time. The refund has run out, but the bills continue to come. Everyone in their 20s know that bills do not stop simply because money is not coming in. That's the bittersweet part of being a career student, you have bills like everyone else. However, you have to find alternative ways to pay your bills outside of a 9 to 5 job. In other words, it gets real tricky. 

This made me start to contemplate the important of maintaining finances. Not only does it help maintain your credit (which is totally a systematic way of keeping "certain people" from getting "certain things" since we live in a system built solely on credit), but it may make you more marketable in a romantic sense. Yeah, I said it. No one wants to build a relationship with someone who cannot manage money correctly or who has filed bankruptcy. Not to say that people are that superficial. Yet it is defiantly something that people examine when considering their mate choices. We start to realize this in our 20s because a lot of us are obtaining credit and bills during this time. So, we have to maintain our bills for us AND our prospective significant others. This is also when things become tricky. 

So, I asked the question on Facebook whether finances were an important part of choosing a significant other. The general consensus was "it depends." This is quite ironic to me that people are so relaxed when it comes to finances of their significant others, especially since financial issues are the top reasons people get divorced. I found that quite strange. So it's cute before you say, "I do." Afterwords, its not so cute anymore. We are a confused people. However, I do understand what many of my brothers and sisters were trying to explain to me. These are some observations I've made regarding finances and relationships. 

1. I won't really suspect financial foul play unless you show me. I've dated some people who never showed me their financial strain/savvy. One person I dated may lay it out for me the kind of financial strain they were in while others kept it hidden from me. When you are dating someone, that's usually something you do not really think about until a situations opens up a certain conversation. However, in the realm of finances, I usually claim that you are "alright" with money until you prove to me otherwise. In other words, you are innocent until proven guilty. If I see you still live with your mom, yet you spend a large amount of money on clothes you do not need for a job you do not have, I'd be concerned. On the other hand, if you offer me money for something when I know you are in the same situation as me, I will wonder where the money is coming from. If you bring up finances, suspicion and questions will arise. So before you start bringing up finances, make sure you are open to certain questions especially if you plan to be with that person. 

2. Your financial situation says a lot about who you are as a person. How you spend your money says a lot about the kind of person you are. Are you a spender or saver? Do you properly prioritize? How reliable are you? How responsible are you? Once that financial door is opened, I always pay close attention to how people spend their money. Why? If they get some money and do not use it adequately, that shows me your priorities are off. If you were unemployed, and then the moment you become employed you do not make an effort to help those who helped you during your time of crisis, then it shows me your a selfish, inconsiderate person. I've learned to watch. 

3. Do not get mad at the other person for not being financially savvy when you are always footing the bill. Come on now, we are ALL struggling on some level in our 20s. Unless you are Bill Gates heir, you are not rollin' in the dough. So why are you supporting someone who is not willing to support themselves? You pay the bills, allowing the other person to remain content in their situation. Then you end up resenting that person because they are not making an adequate contribution. Ladies and gentleman, don't get mad when you are footing the bill and not allowing them to be ACCOUNTABLE for their finances. Been there, done that. It's not a good place to be. I dated a guy where I was footing the money for gas, food, and some expenses. This lead to so much resentment, I couldn't be intimate with him. When we stopped dating, I realized how much money I was spending just to spend time with him. But, I could only be mad at myself. 

4. If a person went to college, then those expenses can be ignored....unless they still spend like a college student. I can't be mad at someone who incurred credit expenses during college. After all, I'm still in college myself. Most of us in our 20s are still in school or furthering our education. If your significant other has debt because of student loans, then they can be ignored because it proves that they were trying to do something constructive with their lives. Yeah, sometimes car payments are not made on time. Credit card bills are pushed aside because you are trying to survive. So, if a person is working on their education, they may come with some credit issues. HOWEVER, if they are continuing to apply for credit cards like a college student, then I would raise an eyebrow....and walk out the door. 

Honestly, I'm not the most financially savvy person in the world. My mother tells me all the time how money and I do not mesh very well. However, I know how to survive and prioritize what is important financially. But, if there's a sale as Bath and Body Works, then I may spend a little more than I should. What can I say? Those fragrances and lip glosses are my weakness. And don't even get me started on Lush's bath bombs or facial creams. I could drop some money just on pampering, smell-good items. Is it a good choice? It depends on what bills I have to pay first. ;) However, I realize how important it is to pay attention to how we spend our money. I feel sorry for whoever decides to be in a committed relationship with me. They will have to deal with my bills and debt I've incurred since being in school. Yet, I would make an effort to take personal responsibility for my own debt before getting involved with someone long term. I understand why some people decide to wait to marry someone: they want to get their finances together to protect the other person. If you care for someone, you want to come into the relationship with as much of a clean slate as possible. After all, you may incur bills together. The least you can do is take care of YOUR stuff. The good thing is, you have the time to do that during your 20s. This is the time you create debt as well as starting the process of getting out of debt. In our 20s, we are learning how to be more financially fit. I know you did not ask for my advice, but I'm going to give it anyway: take this time to deal with your financial issues before deciding to commit your life to someone else. But, believe it or not, finances are important when it comes to relationships...even in our 20s. I am not saying that you should think of a significant other that does not exist when you buy a new dress online (Modcloth.com is AMAZING! ). After all, I'm an advent believer in treating yourself. But, try to make better decisions regarding your finances...you may be rewarded for it in the future. ;)