After reading 50 Shades of Grey, here's your official warning....

You cannot walk into a bookstore without seeing this book. In the course of a week, I was told by at least four different people that I needed to read this novel. Even my MOTHER knew about this book because her coworkers were reading it during their lunch break. My mother was curious enough to put it on her Kindle. One of my friends sent me a text because she felt "naughty" reading it while she was at work. The conversation went a little like this: 

"Have you read this book Fifty Shades of Grey?"

"Fifty Shades of WHAT?" 

"Grey...it's so hot! I love it!" 

"What does that even mean?"

"You just have to get the book It's so great!"

"If you say so. Are you reading it right now?"

"Yes!"

"Aren't you at work?"

"Yup!"

"Is that wise?" 

"Probably not, I'm so naughty!" 

"Naughty? What kind of book is this?" 

"One that will get you all hot and bothered."

"Whoa....it's that hot?! No BOOK is THAT hot."

Of course I rebelled. I always do. I said on multiple occasions, "I've heard, but what's the big deal about this book?" Well, one day, I'm walking through Target (Sidenote: I need to buy stock in Target as much money as I spend in that store) one day with one of my girlfriends and see the book sitting on the shelf by the electronics. I thought to myself, "Well hell, let me open this book and see what all the fuss is about." So while she's shopping for various things, I lean against the red shopping cart and start reading the first few pages. It was cute. I was curious enough to flip to the middle of the book....I almost forgot to breathe. Literally, I stopped in my tracks almost bumping into a lady who was walking a little too close to me. She sucked her teeth and walked past me. But I didn't care. That short little passage made me fan myself like an old church lady right there in Target. I finally caught up with my friend and exclaimed, "I may not be broke as a joke, but I'm getting this book!" 

I became hooked to this story. Good thing I started reading it before summer school started. For weeks, I carried the book around with me, reading it at every free moment I received. When I really got into it, I had to call my mother and warn her about the book. I told her it may be a little too much for a 50-somethin' year old Christian Black woman. Her response was, "Jayme, I've read trashy love novels longer than you've been alive." I had nothing more to say after that point. However, while people were glorifying this book, I wish they could have warned me. A part of me believes that if you are going to read this book, there are a few things you need to know first. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell you what happens. I figured I'd complete my community service for the day and share with my sistah's some insight BEFORE they pick up the book. 

1. This is NOT your everyday romance novel. There are parts of it that are. But, for the most part, it's not your mother's romance book with Fabio in the front cover. It has a modern day twist that you would never suspect or imagine. While people told me about it, I was not ready for what the book was about. You'd have to read it to understand what I mean by this. 

2. The author is VERY descriptive. When they say say erotic literature, it is REALLY EROTIC literature. If you do not have a vivid imagination, this author will force you to have one. Once you get through a quarter of the book, your imagination becomes REAL graphic because the author's language is so detailed. Typically, when you read a book and intimacy is involved, the author leaves a lot of room for interpretation. Not this book. You know EVERY. SINGLE. THING. There's absolutely no ambiguity. You know exactly what is happening, when it's happening, and how it's happening. So if you are not ready to read some VIVID details, you may want to leave it on the bookshelf. This brings me to my third point.

3. Yes, the book has a lot of sex in it. A lot of sex. Plenty of hot and passionate sex. I suppose the notion sex sells has some truth to it. It WILL get you hot and bothered. 

4. Try not to read the book at night while your boo is sleep beside you snoring. It will only make you angry. While they lay there innocently sleeping, you are fuming because they are not Christian Grey. The book will frustrate you because you realize your mate is NO Christian Grey. Remember: he does not exist. He is a figment of a British woman's imagination. So try not to smother your significant other with a pillow during the course of reading this novel. If you feel the urge, go into another room and read it. This brings me to my next point. 

5. Try not wear your partner out sexually because you are worked up. I'm sure they will willingly accept the gesture. They may be confused as to where this sudden energy came from, but I'm sure they won't mind. However, try warm them up first. If it's been a while since you two been intimate, they may need to stretch and shower. But, I repeat, they are NOT Christian Grey. Your partner may not have the skill of Christian Grey. They weren't that great before you bought the book and they won't be after you finish the book. 

6. If you are single, Christian Grey will become your new boo. ;) You can snuggle to him every night and think about him during the day. However, I will repeat: Christian Grey does NOT exist. And if you do not have "equipment" or a "bag of goodies" before getting this book, you may need some....just warning you. 

 

7. Characters speak in a European vernacular/speech. I do not mean white, but British. Their conversations are a bit off. They say things that typical American folk do not say. After all, we aren't that bright. But I love their witty exchanges. Sometimes you are able to understand it, and sometimes you are not. They use larger words in a normal conversation as frequently as we do not. If you are taking a standardized test anytime soon with vocabulary words, this is a great book for you. 

8. If you have read the Twilight series, 50 Shades of Grey has several character similarities. There's a Jacob, Edward, Alice, Bella, Bella's mom, and Charlie. So, if you are aware of Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey is not a stretch. You basically have the same characters. 

9. Did I need to remind you again that Christian Grey does not exist? Well if you didn't catch it, let me reiterate: Christian Grey does NOT exist.  Lets be realistic people. 

So, before you pick up the book, keep in mind the items listed above. That way you can make a choice to whether you want to wake up your inner goddess (Ironically, that's in the book). It's the kind of book you can discuss with your girlfriends, not your partner. If you are a single woman, then you have as much fun as you want with this book. It is great for single women because we have something to look forward to in the romance department. While we know that these are fictional characters and situations, the book appears to be popular because it awakens something within all of us. Whether you are single or in a relationship, the book has had an impact upon people in some way. I do not claim that it is profound compared to other books. But it's the kind of book that allows you to let your hair down a little and challenge your inhibitions. I do not think the author is going to be giving relationship advice anytime soon. But, I do appreciate her for sharing her imagination with us so we all can live a little. ;) 

And yes, I'm going to pick up the sequel as soon as possible. Oh yeah, I heard they were making it into a movie. If so, I'm there opening night. ;)