This made me start to contemplate the important of maintaining finances. Not only does it help maintain your credit (which is totally a systematic way of keeping "certain people" from getting "certain things" since we live in a system built solely on credit), but it may make you more marketable in a romantic sense. Yeah, I said it. No one wants to build a relationship with someone who cannot manage money correctly or who has filed bankruptcy. Not to say that people are that superficial. Yet it is defiantly something that people examine when considering their mate choices. We start to realize this in our 20s because a lot of us are obtaining credit and bills during this time. So, we have to maintain our bills for us AND our prospective significant others. This is also when things become tricky.
So, I asked the question on Facebook whether finances were an important part of choosing a significant other. The general consensus was "it depends." This is quite ironic to me that people are so relaxed when it comes to finances of their significant others, especially since financial issues are the top reasons people get divorced. I found that quite strange. So it's cute before you say, "I do." Afterwords, its not so cute anymore. We are a confused people. However, I do understand what many of my brothers and sisters were trying to explain to me. These are some observations I've made regarding finances and relationships.
1. I won't really suspect financial foul play unless you show me. I've dated some people who never showed me their financial strain/savvy. One person I dated may lay it out for me the kind of financial strain they were in while others kept it hidden from me. When you are dating someone, that's usually something you do not really think about until a situations opens up a certain conversation. However, in the realm of finances, I usually claim that you are "alright" with money until you prove to me otherwise. In other words, you are innocent until proven guilty. If I see you still live with your mom, yet you spend a large amount of money on clothes you do not need for a job you do not have, I'd be concerned. On the other hand, if you offer me money for something when I know you are in the same situation as me, I will wonder where the money is coming from. If you bring up finances, suspicion and questions will arise. So before you start bringing up finances, make sure you are open to certain questions especially if you plan to be with that person.
2. Your financial situation says a lot about who you are as a person. How you spend your money says a lot about the kind of person you are. Are you a spender or saver? Do you properly prioritize? How reliable are you? How responsible are you? Once that financial door is opened, I always pay close attention to how people spend their money. Why? If they get some money and do not use it adequately, that shows me your priorities are off. If you were unemployed, and then the moment you become employed you do not make an effort to help those who helped you during your time of crisis, then it shows me your a selfish, inconsiderate person. I've learned to watch.
3. Do not get mad at the other person for not being financially savvy when you are always footing the bill. Come on now, we are ALL struggling on some level in our 20s. Unless you are Bill Gates heir, you are not rollin' in the dough. So why are you supporting someone who is not willing to support themselves? You pay the bills, allowing the other person to remain content in their situation. Then you end up resenting that person because they are not making an adequate contribution. Ladies and gentleman, don't get mad when you are footing the bill and not allowing them to be ACCOUNTABLE for their finances. Been there, done that. It's not a good place to be. I dated a guy where I was footing the money for gas, food, and some expenses. This lead to so much resentment, I couldn't be intimate with him. When we stopped dating, I realized how much money I was spending just to spend time with him. But, I could only be mad at myself.
4. If a person went to college, then those expenses can be ignored....unless they still spend like a college student. I can't be mad at someone who incurred credit expenses during college. After all, I'm still in college myself. Most of us in our 20s are still in school or furthering our education. If your significant other has debt because of student loans, then they can be ignored because it proves that they were trying to do something constructive with their lives. Yeah, sometimes car payments are not made on time. Credit card bills are pushed aside because you are trying to survive. So, if a person is working on their education, they may come with some credit issues. HOWEVER, if they are continuing to apply for credit cards like a college student, then I would raise an eyebrow....and walk out the door.
Honestly, I'm not the most financially savvy person in the world. My mother tells me all the time how money and I do not mesh very well. However, I know how to survive and prioritize what is important financially. But, if there's a sale as Bath and Body Works, then I may spend a little more than I should. What can I say? Those fragrances and lip glosses are my weakness. And don't even get me started on Lush's bath bombs or facial creams. I could drop some money just on pampering, smell-good items. Is it a good choice? It depends on what bills I have to pay first. ;) However, I realize how important it is to pay attention to how we spend our money. I feel sorry for whoever decides to be in a committed relationship with me. They will have to deal with my bills and debt I've incurred since being in school. Yet, I would make an effort to take personal responsibility for my own debt before getting involved with someone long term. I understand why some people decide to wait to marry someone: they want to get their finances together to protect the other person. If you care for someone, you want to come into the relationship with as much of a clean slate as possible. After all, you may incur bills together. The least you can do is take care of YOUR stuff. The good thing is, you have the time to do that during your 20s. This is the time you create debt as well as starting the process of getting out of debt. In our 20s, we are learning how to be more financially fit. I know you did not ask for my advice, but I'm going to give it anyway: take this time to deal with your financial issues before deciding to commit your life to someone else. But, believe it or not, finances are important when it comes to relationships...even in our 20s. I am not saying that you should think of a significant other that does not exist when you buy a new dress online (Modcloth.com is AMAZING! ). After all, I'm an advent believer in treating yourself. But, try to make better decisions regarding your finances...you may be rewarded for it in the future. ;)
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